#kwrites sanders sides

[coffee-addict-writer]

Should I take a pill to numb the pain? (medicate it away)

pairing: moxiety genre: angst written for: me Warnings: TW drugs TW misuse of drugs  Colors lost meaning a long time ago.  Sunsets and flowers and eyes all faded into similar shades of dull.  They used to love the color blue. They used to love stars. They used to love the smell of coffee and the way he touched them.  Patton used to love.

People were moving around them in blurs, they weren't sure when they stopped noticing.  Everything felt fuzzy and heavy and unreal. They opened themselves up and let his smile cut through their heart. Patton thought they were so lucky to see his smile. Thought they were so lucky to watch his eyes light up. Thought they were so lucky to hear him say their name like it was the most precious thing in the world.  Now all Patton wanted to do was bury the memories. They didn't want them anymore but they were everywhere.  He was everywhere Patton sat on a park bench their knees tucked up under their chin. Birds sang somewhere they were sure of it. But now they couldn’t hear it. their hands shook around the bottle in their pocket.  He had loved the science behind medication, changing brain chemistry so much for such a small pill. He wanted to be a scientist, he wanted to come up for cures for everything. Patton tried not to think about that when they shakily unscrewed the lid and swallowed the pill dry and waited for the numb to settle over them. This was their cure. They didn’t move until the sun went down and the park was covered in shadows. Until their chest felt lighter and the hurt disappeared.  “Patton?” the voice made them jump having been too lost in their head to notice someone approaching them. they looked at the person confused. somewhere in the back of their mind, they recognized this person but the haze that filled their brain was hard to push past enough to connect a name to the face.  “it’s uh, Virgil... from uh, we used to be in the same art class.” Virgil. that was right, this boys name was Virgil.  “Oh, uh hiya kiddo!” they tried to sound somewhere close to normal. instead, they sounded hollow. They vaguely remembered Virgil. The sad boy in Art that painted in only purples. purple Patton remembered purple a cool color that still felt warm. warm. Patton hadn’t felt warm in a long time. “whatareya doin out here?” Patton asked frowning when their words slurred together. “uh, I was uhm, on my way home, but saw you.. and wanted to uh, wanted to check..check on you, p.. patton.. I mean not that you, need me to check... I mean.. what Logan did to you is fucked up” even through the numb Patton had managed to surround themselves with, that name hurt. they think they gasped a little, sucking in oxygen sharply and looking away, trying to fight the tears that burned their eyes, If Virgil noticed he ignored it and kept going, “and... and it really, it really sucks. and its none of my business either.. but Patton what you’re doing to your self isn't. it's not the answer. i... I get it... I really really get it... but it's only going to make it worse in the long run...” Patton looked up again. and Virgil wasn’t looking at them but Patton was looking at him.  Really looking at him. It was almost like Virgil glowed. which could absolutely be the chemicals in their system. but it was Purple. it was color. and Patton could see it.  When Virgil finally did look back at them his eyes were wide. and deep. and endless. but not like his. not like logans. not deep like the sky. Deep like the ocean. Deep and warm and they were like a lifeboat. like Virgil was trying to save them. “Patton... i... I'm sorry I didn’t want to upset you, i... I should... I should go...” Patton hadn’t realized they’d started crying. but as soon as Virgil tore his gaze away and turned to walk away, ice pierced through Patton's mind.  “n.. no.,” they whispered reaching forward to grab onto Virgil's hand with both of there’s and it was so so so warm. “s.. stay...” they pleaded. And Virgil did. Patton can’t say how long they sat there. on the park bench. it must have been all night. but Virgil stayed. Patton felt warm for the first time in months. Patton felt for the first time in months.  Virgil stayed. they talked. Patton poured their heart out. they sobbed and screamed and when they woke up the next morning they ached so bad, but their head was clear.  They stared at their reflection pill bottle in hand, ready to start the day like they’d started every day for months. but they didn't want to feel numb anymore. they pulled the purple hoodie tighter around their shoulders, the hoodie they knew had belonged to Virgil, who must have let them borrow it, and they uncapped the bottle and poured the remaining pills down the drain.  Patton had loved, with everything they had, and it left them broken.  Logan left them broken, Virgil stayed. But broken didn’t mean ruined. Didn’t mean they couldn't be put back together. They pulled out their phone and dialed Virgil's number.  Tag List: (send me an ask if you’d like to be added to my permanent taglist)  -K

@deceitifullies101  @whymustibedraggedintofandomhell @pawtoncake @cinnamonlilac @haveyourselfamerrylittlebitchmas @sevencrashing